I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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