i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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