you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
