you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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