I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
