I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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