im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
