No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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