well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's blow job season.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
