I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
