It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
