it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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