I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
