I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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