Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
