dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
