we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
