it's too hot outside to masturbate.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
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