I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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