imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize