i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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