I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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