I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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