DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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