Fine. I'll sleep in my office
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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