You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
