Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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