It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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