my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
3 2 1 whiskey
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
