Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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