Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
