Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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