my phone needs a breathalizer
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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