Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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