I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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