cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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