I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
