Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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