He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
