He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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