I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
