just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
