this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
