So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
