I hate all girls vehemently.
operation harelip BJ is a go
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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