I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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