My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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