I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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