They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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