I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
