A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
