my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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