Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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