i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
