he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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