I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
