I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
