We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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