But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
