I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
