we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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