Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize