I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
