After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
