I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
