we're chasing vodka with high fives
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize