i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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