I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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