I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
