You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
