So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
