I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
