she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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