You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
