dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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