her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
