there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
