dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
