what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
