forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize