ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
