Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
