:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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