Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
