brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
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