i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize