just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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