Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
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