The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
