trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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