party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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