just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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