Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
