This girl is more easily done than said...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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