just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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