Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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