Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
it's like heaven, but drunker
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
