shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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