I just threw up on my dentist
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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