She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I want to be your penis for a week.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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