I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
