I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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